Dealing with Reality

Well, I sit here on a Sunday with another fall in shambles before it even gets started. The intent of this post isn’t to break down the details of yesterday’s gut punch 41-34 loss by my alma mater Mississippi State to Auburn. I’ll leave the analysis of the coaching, officiating, and players to the washed up coaches in the employ of ESPN and the message board lunatics. No, this is just the means of catharsis I am employing to handle the annual realization that Mississippi State football is forever doomed. As my wife said this morning after assessing the somber look on my face, “I just don’t think Mississippi State is ever going to be the program you want it to be.” To which I calmly responded with something along the lines of…



That’s a tough pill to swallow just one day removed from watching the wheels come off your team’s season for another year, even tougher when it all went down at Auburn. As a quick aside, they wasted no time in retiring Cam Newton’s number and slapping his smiling face up in the end zone of their stadium. It’s a nice reminder of the unseemly side of college football, which has come bubbling up to the surface in recent months. Watching your quarterback rifle a line drive pass into double coverage, then watching that pass bounce off a defender’s helmet into the arms of another Auburn defender who returns it for a touchdown, then looking up and seeing Cam Newton smiling back at you from the far end zone is just more than any person should have to confront.

Still, there’s something to be said for staring reality squarely in the face, though it is certainly not the only approach to overcoming disappointment. Shortly after my wife summed up the sad truth that Mississippi State football is mediocrity defined (at best), I found myself aimlessly wandering past the television in our living room. The great Joel Osteen was on, with his giant grin and strangely coiffured hair. Joel Osteen is clearly no fan of a beleaguered football program, unless his coping powers are considerably stronger than mine. He stood in front of the strange gold globe that serves as his backdrop and said “Think yourself happy, think yourself peaceful.”

Perhaps that IS the ticket, Joel. I’m happy and peaceful. I don’t need my fall to be defined by the anticipation of momentous football games with all the angst and emotion they entail. No sir, I can find peace and happiness as I did this fine Sunday afternoon, picking up endless piles of dog poo in my back yard and meticulously edging the dying grass in my front yard while trying not to break my wrist when the edger veers a bit too close to the driveway and sends sparks flying and a jolt through my wrist.

And I’m just scratching the surface of the many avenues other than college football available to me (and you, should you find yourself in similar straits two weeks into the season). Perhaps I'll look into scrapbooking or cooking classes. Or maybe I'll just have someone blindside me in the face with the Yellow Pages.

Say What?

Sorry for the lack of recent posts. Between Christmas errands, a lack of inspiration, and weather conditions that have dropped my core body temperature to a level that supports only the most limited and essential functionality, it has been a struggle. I was in a bit of a bummed out mood this weekend anyway, as this past Saturday was the first of the year without college football. Other than the Army-Navy game (which, all jokes aside, is well worth watching) and some FCS playoff games, the only thing related to college football that was on was the Heisman trophy presentation. I decided to skip that one, as the Heisman trophy doesn't do much for me in the best of years and certainly held no appeal with Cam Newton set to be the obvious winner. Given that there's about a 90% chance that, just like the one awarded to Reggie Bush in 2005, this one will be rescinded, one wonders if they even bothered to have the Cam Newton painting done to hang on the wall.

So by the end of the weekend, I'd say my mood was holding up about as well as the roof of the Metrodome...

Punting is likely to be a challenge in the reconfigured Metrodome.

Ahhh, but there is always something out there to brighten your day if you just keep looking. For me, it was the Big Ten that came to the rescue. Yes, if there is one thing the fine folks in the upper Midwest know how to do, it is providing a warm hearty laugh to fend off the falling temperatures. Actually, they are also quite adept at getting their doors blown off in championship games. Anyway, they released the names for their divisions today, and I can only assume that it was an early Christmas gift to lift the spirits of the cold and weary across the country. East and West? North and South? No sir, the Big Ten will be divided into the Leaders and Legends divisions. Bravo! That is fantastic.

Here's the rationale from the conference commissioner:

"The Legends, not too hard in that we have 215 College Football Hall of Fame members, we have 15 Heisman Trophy winners," commissioner Jim Delany said in an exclusive interview with The Associated Press. "We thought it made perfect sense to recognize the iconic and the legendary through the naming of the division in that regard. ... We've had plenty of leaders in the conference, that's for sure, but the emphasis here is to recognize the mission of using intercollegiate athletics and higher education to build future leaders."

That sounds good, much better than admitting that they couldn't create divisions based on geography because they wanted to split up Michigan and Ohio State. I don't know whether I will cringe or laugh the first time I watch Pam Ward kick off the telecast of the noon Big Ten game telling me with a straight face that "Wisconsin comes into today's game currently sitting second in the Leaders division, while Northwestern is struggling to keep pace in the Legends division." Actually I won't do either, since I won't be watching, but you get my point. A 12-team conference called the Big Ten with a Leaders division and a Legends division? Maybe there really is a Santa Claus.

Tough Duty: In addition to providing color commentary next to Pam Ward, Ray Bentley must now discuss the Leaders and Legends divisions of the Big 10 on a weekly basis.

It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Don't Feel Fine)

Have you read the book of Revelations recently? No? It's been awhile for me, too, but I'm pretty sure I remember the highlights. At some point I believe the dead rise from their graves, the ocean turns to blood, and a bunch of locusts wreak some serious havoc across the land. And if I'm not mistaken, wedged right in there somewhere it says something about NCAA football turning from the greatest sport known to man into a colossal piece of flaming poo. Well, my friends, I feel relatively certain that day is upon us.

As I type this, I have the Alabama-Georgia State game on television (42-7 in the second quarter). Why, you may be reasonably asking, would I have such a game on? Well, I read earlier today that big news regarding the Cam Newton situation could be breaking during this telecast. Of course, that info turned out to be false. This may cause me to swear off college football message boards, which would be the third time this week I've made such a declaration. Even if you rule out some of the more outlandish theories I've run across- my personal favorite was that the White House is suppressing the case against Auburn because Obama's press secretary grew up in Auburn and is a big fan- there is a ridiculous amount of evidence pointing to the fact that at a bare minimum Cam Newton is ineligible by the standards the NCAA has historically used.

Heeeere come your 2010 Auburn Tigers!!!

And yet he rolls on, flashing his goofball smile and leading Auburn straight toward the BCS National Championship Game. What I can't get over is that the NCAA has all but forced schools to sit players for infractions that are the equivalent of jaywalking compared to this. Mississippi State's Renardo Sidney was ruled ineligible for one and a half seasons in basketball because the NCAA believed (never fully proven, just suspected) that his parents received $11,800 in benefits while he was in high school. I just want to make sure you caught that- ONE AND A HALF SEASONS! And yet with mounting evidence that Cam Newton's father solicited and received $200,000, Auburn's "dream season" rolls on. Perhaps the NCAA will ultimately handle this, but it is looking more and more likely that Auburn will get to play in the SEC and national championship games before anything happens.

But even putting that aside, it feels like college football has lost its way. Lest you doubt me, have a quick look at the bowl schedule this year. It's bad enough that somehow the already bloated bowl lineup was further expanded this year to include the New Era Pinstripe Bowl and the Ticket City Bowl, but have you seen when the National Championship Game will be played? January 10! No, my oversized mitt did not accidentally hit the 0 after typing January 1. The game is going to be played nine days after New Years. If they slide it back a bit more we can just roll it into the NCAA basketball tournament and have a real winner on our hands. I guess they don't realize this or care, but people have moved on from college football by that time. It's something on the order of 45 to 55 days since those teams played their last game, which is just absurd. It would be like having the NFL playoffs end in late January as they currently do and then playing the Super Bowl in mid-March.

So things are looking pretty bleak at the moment. And while the NFL currently offers some solace, even that may be fleeting given the looming lockout at the end of the year. I would suggest stocking up on canned goods and bottled water. If we can't rely on football to get us through the fall, it may come down to a combination of Major League Baseball and early season NBA. And that, I believe, is the final sign.

Buffalo Wild Wings Ruining Televised Sports for Another Year

Happy Labor Day! More importantly, we can all breathe a sigh of relief now that football season has returned. Last Sunday I found myself on my couch choosing between watching the Little League World Series and the US Amateur golf championship. Because if there's anything that can top watching 12 year old's play baseball, it's watching 17 year old's play golf. On top of that, ESPN and SportSouth were showing high school football games to round out the selections. Hey, anybody got footage from a bar mitzvah or some church league hoops while we're at it? Unreal.

The only downside to the joy of having football back on the tube is the return of the godforsaken Buffalo Wild Wings commercials. Surely all of you remember this gem from last year...



So let me make sure I understand. The loser in the #2 jersey is so desperate not to return home to his mother's basement that he asks the referee to cost his team the game and "send this thing into overtime"? Beyond the absurdity of rooting against your own team and the referee somehow communicating with you through the television over the bar, can I ask why it is that your time at the oh so sweet Buffalo Wild Wings is dictated by the end of the game? If you're having such a blast, may I recommend just staying for another beer, celebrating your team's victory, and watching the start of the next game? What blows my mind is that they have had an entire year to ponder the idiocy of these commercials (they ran a similar one during basketball season), and the outcome was to basically remake the same commercial using the groundskeeper instead of a referee?! I can't find the horrendous new commercial on YouTube, which is perhaps a blessing in disguise for all of us. Watch a little football, though, and it won't be long before you're subjected to it. If you don't have DVR, it's almost enough to have you longing for the Little League World Series.