Taking the Sideburns Up and the Self Esteem Down

I’m at a bit of a loss about something. Actually, I’m at a bit of a loss about a great many things, but let’s take it one step at a time. Where is an average dude with an average crop of hair on his dome and limited stylistic aspirations supposed to get his hair cut? I go to Great Clips. I’m not sure why I go to Great Clips. I guess I do know why. Sometime eight to ten years ago I went there. They didn’t cut either of my ears off or leave me with a reverse Mohawk, and being a man of routine that’s about all it takes to earn my repeat business.

Quite simply, I do not like change. As just one example, my world has been completely upended for the past week since I made the fateful decision to agree to finally download the latest Firefox browser on my home computer. I didn’t really want to do it but finally succumbed to the incessant pop-up request to do so every time I tried to get on the Internet. Big mistake. I now spend half of my time staring at my monitor wistfully, looking at the spots where my favorites and history were so easily accessible in the past, then aimlessly moving the mouse to and fro across the screen before giving up and angrily typing in the URL of my desired web page.

Anyway, this reluctance to toy with the status quo is quite powerful, but it might not be enough to keep me going to Great Clips. The problem is really not with the actual haircut, at least not as far as I’m aware (my wife may beg to differ). No, the issue is with the humiliation to which I’m subjected during my visits. I’ve paid enough attention to my fellow patrons’ experience to know that I’m not the only one, a fact in which I take some solace.

Before I go any further, let me say that I conceptually understand the need for a place like Great Clips to push their ancillary hair care products. There’s probably just not a lot of money to be made at $14 a haircut, so I get that they need to unload some $20 shampoo and hair moisturizers here and there to make the finances pencil. But still, is belittling the customer really the best route to take in your up-selling efforts?

Stylist: “What shampoo are you using at home?”

Craig: “Uhh, I don’t remember the brand name.”

Stylist: “Oh okay, because your hair is REALLY dry.”

Craig: “My wife buys it and I’m pretty sure it’s legit.”

Stylist: “Okay, well you should really use some of this (insert product).”

Stylist, while applying small amount of said product: “See how nice that is?”

Craig: “Uhhh, I guess so.”

Fast forward to end of haircut…

Stylist: “So would you like to buy some of (insert product)? It’s on sale today.”

It’s a different approach to be sure. Maybe retail clothing stores should try it out. Say you waltz up to the register at Macy’s or your store of choice with a button down shirt or perhaps a nice summer dress.

“Ooooh, you are really looking heavy today! We’re running a special on cross trainer shoes today? Would you like to pick up a pair? It will really help with that double chin.”

Another Great Clips customer ponders the harsh critiques that accompany a $14 haircut

Surviving a Quick Trip to Los Angeles

I kicked last week off with a 7:25am Monday morning flight to Los Angeles. Any week that begins with a 6:00am drive on I-285, followed by partially disrobing in the airport security line and then praying to the powers that be that your toothpaste and hair gel pass muster on the conveyor belt is going to be a tough one in my book. The trip took yet another turn for the worse when the European gentleman in front of me waiting to board the plane, sporting a shirt too short to tuck in even if had been so inclined and low-rise jeans, bent over for no less than a three minute stint to execute some sort of detailed rearrangement of the contents of his backpack. This wouldn’t have been overly problematic, except that his undersized shirt and jeans parted ways to reveal a most prominent coin slot. For a fragile mind such as mine, still stressed from doing nonstop inventories of my person to make sure I hadn’t left my watch or one of my shoes back at security, it was almost more than I could bear.

Thankfully, that marked the low point for the trip, for me at least. My comrades on the plane would quite possibly point to 30 minutes later when I woke myself up in a fit of snoring. In retrospect, I’m not sure my efforts to mask the episode with a false bout of sniffles and a subtle backhand drool wipe-off fooled them. At any rate, we all made it through. After arriving in LA I drove to my meeting, where my primary contribution was not repeating my sleeping episode from the plane. After the meeting, the plan was to visit two of my company's stores in the area. They were each 25 to 30 miles away, meaning I was signed up for some LA highway time. Spending the afternoon driving the area, I learned a few things. First, LA traffic doesn't seem as bad as it's made out to be. I suppose the more accurate explanation is just that Atlanta traffic is horrendous enough to inoculate you against the worst the nation has to offer. Second, Los Angeles has casinos?! Who knew? Maybe these are video casinos or something of the sort, but still. I had no idea. Thankfully I was far too tired to investigate further. Finally, there is apparently a huge market for radical weight loss surgery out there. I honestly swear that fifty percent of all billboards in the LA area are for 1-800-GET-THIN, which apparently provides lap band surgery. This is noteworthy, no? I thought the entire population of that city stayed rail thin eating tofu and sprouts.



That night I shook off the lap band billboards and treated myself to In-N-Out Burger, consumed in the hotel room. Enjoying a cheap meal in the hotel room is one of the absolute underrated aspects of business travel, and I am always more than a little heartbroken when my intentions to do so are undercut by well meaning fellow travelers looking to eat dinner together. No such worries on this trip, and so an otherwise brutal day on the road ended in style...assuming your version of style is cramming down a Milky Way from the gift shop of a Comfort Suites.

Texas Baseball Coach Is Here to Motivate

Are you dragging a bit? Feeling a bit complacent today? Allow Texas baseball coach Augie Garrido to put a little fire in your belly. My two personal favorite moments:

1) The absolute disgust he displays at the fact that none of his players have been involved in a gang fight (0:45).

2) The move where he completely loses it and goes with the violent repetitive two handed slapping of a chair (3:01). I may be partial to this because I pulled the same move in Mississippi State's arena during a game with Ole Miss during my freshman year and was threatened with removal by a nearby security guard.

***PLEASE NOTE- this video is chock-full of profanity.

Battling Through

There is a conspiracy afoot. Someone, or something, doesn’t want you all reading new blog posts here at Sic Transit Gloria. Ludicrous? It might seem so at first, but let’s examine the evidence:

1) Power has gone out for 12-18 hour stretches twice in the past week and a half here at the house. That might not be so noteworthy, except…

2) The second time temporarily fried our home computer , rendering it unusable for four additional days and nights. That might not derail your average 21st century blogger, but…

3) I am a technological idiot, incapable of tapping into the majesty of the Internet without the service of a computer bound to the wall with wires and cables.

It all seems a bit shady, does it not? Any one of those three items might happen naturally, maybe even two of them. But all three? I find it very unlikely. And so the world has sought to tear us down, like Talia Shire on the stairs in Rocky IV shrieking “You Can’t Win!!!” But I won’t be stopped that easily. No sir, I have been undergoing a grueling regimen in preparation for my return. I’ve had the wife slapping me in the gut during sit ups ala the Rocky 2 training scene. Actually that just happened when she saw I hadn’t finished moving the furniture in the nursery, but you catch my drift.


Truth be told, my efforts have been a bit less impressive than that. I did get in my car and drive around once, like Rocky did after Talia Shire voiced her treasonous doubt in the aforementioned scene. I wasn't pissed or thinking about motivational stuff, though, and I just ended up driving to Kroger and getting a steak to throw on the grill. Other than that, there's been some general angst awaiting the repair of the computer, then some general staring at the monitor and then at notebook paper and then back to the monitor.

The good news is that we are back up and running here and I'm mulling a few ideas for the blog in the coming weeks. If I can combine those ideas with a session in which I gain proficiency on our iPad, then watch out world.


P.S. I mentioned in a previous post my amazement at the results Google image search gives you these days. Here's the winner of most entertaining/random picture discovered while composing this post. A search for "Rocky 2 slapping stomach" (admittedly likely to produce some strange results) delivered this gem...