During a recent 'situation' in which I was kidnapped, bound and gagged, and forced to read People Magazine's 'Sexiest People' issue, I stumbled across the following poll:
This little example of hard-hitting journalism pretty much frames my long-running confusion with the altar upon which the world places Julia Roberts. She has been revered as the world's queen of actresses for at least a decade, and of all the most bankable actresses in Hollywood, she seems to hover above the rest of them in stature. In fact, if you were fortunate enough to endure the epic saga that is Oceans 12 you will remember that she even partook in a parody of herself; a parody in which she was so worshiped that she was given special access to some lame jewel-encrusted egg (which was eventually thought to be grinched by some dude in a tracksuit performing impossibly-lamer dance moves through lasers).
"My agent is so fired."So we all agree that Julia Roberts is staggeringly famous and adored, right? The thing is, I don't think she's been in all that many good movies.
Nicholson, Duvall, Deniro, Pacino, even Leo . . . they are considered great and each have a handful of ridiculous movies in their quiver (gross). Lest you think I'm being sexist, we can say the same for Meryl Streep, Diane Keaton, etc. But here we have the hallowed Julia Roberts, and the list from which I should choose her best movie reads like a form of punishment for shoplifting in at least 9 states. Let's review:
Pretty Woman: Blockbuster, damn successful film, this cannot be denied. But what absolutely perplexes me is, why in the crapdom is this movie so iconic and considered a benchmark for romance? I believe I speak for every man on the planet here - she was a hooker!!! What in the pots and pans is romantic about a chick that has anything to do with being a hooker?! I realize that kissing a frog and having it turn into Prince Charming is a bit outdated, but no way little girls across America are now daydreaming of turning a few tricks with some fat bald men en-route to meeting Mr. Right. Maybe throw in a crack pipe and some track marks just so you can say you had the full experience?
Pretty Woman: Blockbuster, damn successful film, this cannot be denied. But what absolutely perplexes me is, why in the crapdom is this movie so iconic and considered a benchmark for romance? I believe I speak for every man on the planet here - she was a hooker!!! What in the pots and pans is romantic about a chick that has anything to do with being a hooker?! I realize that kissing a frog and having it turn into Prince Charming is a bit outdated, but no way little girls across America are now daydreaming of turning a few tricks with some fat bald men en-route to meeting Mr. Right. Maybe throw in a crack pipe and some track marks just so you can say you had the full experience?
Nobody finds love on an empty stomach.Oh, and also, SHE WAS A HOOKER!
My Best Friend's Wedding: Sorry, I'm finding it difficult to type with this pencil in my eye. Once this film ends I will remove it. We'll talk soon.
Charlie Wilson's War: Pardon me? That was a movie? It had Tom Hanks in it too?! Soooooo . . . it's a nice piece of revisionist history involving the least interesting characters to ever be allegedly linked to the most obscure aspect of the Cold War in the 1980's, AND it's a politics play. You know what, cancel my 4 o'clock massage with Brigitte Nielsen, I'm in.
Wait. Shoot. I can't decide.Erin Brockovich: Good movie, good acting, good actress. Bravo, Julia, seriously.
Runaway Bride: Spoiler alert!
"That's a wrap!"
Agreed. Throw Sandra Bullock in that pot as well. In fact, I'm challenged to name any uber-famous actress under the age of 50 who has made more than one good movie.
ReplyDeleteAs far as your thoughts on the five aforementioned movies - okay, I agree. But let's not forget the gloriousness that was Mystic Pizza.
ReplyDeleteOh man, Sandra Bullock is definitely in the same wheelhouse, although Miss Congeniality 2 was kinda money.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous people like lame movies. Nah, actually, I can't remember Mystic Pizza so I'll take the 5th with a leaning towards suck.
Hmm, I figured you were mostly full of shit and that Julia must have had a few gems you were missing. BTW, you cannot deny Pretty Woman. As bad as looks now, it was just a huge hit. Now, back to the resume...after a quick IMDB search, I could argue, Flatliners and Steel Magnolias but you are right, she has been in like 50 movies and nearly all of them just suck. While not a horrible actress, certainly way over-rated.
ReplyDeleteAs for JKey's comment-Meryl Streep is over 50 and has a rock solid resume plus a few oscars I believe.