Eating Out Isn't What It Used to Be

I’ve always been under the impression that when you’re feeling a bit down, the best thing to do is to get out there- get out among your fellow man to have your spirits lifted. I must say that recent events lead me to believe otherwise. First, there was my less than stellar flight companion a couple of weeks ago. And now, on the heels of that brutal experience, I can add dinner last Thursday night.

After a long week, we decided to head out to grab a bite to eat. We ended up at Six Feet Under. It's a pleasant place with a solid menu, nice beer selection, and a rooftop deck. You know what you don't expect to see at such a place? An 11 year old girl doing what I assume must have been a cheerleading routine over and over again. She would typically start out doing just the hand motions while sitting in her chair and somewhat quietly chanting the cadence. Then, inevitably, the spirit of the routine would take over and out of her chair she would go. Now standing less than 10 feet from me (as I attempted in vain to focus my attention on my fried scallops), she would really get into it. This included hands behind the head, a karate chopping gesture, some louder counting, and a good bit of hip gyration that I would have expected to draw protests from the parents of the girls aiming to make this cheerleader squad. That didn't appear to be the case, though, because this whole session went down under the approving eye of the girl's mother. Sadly, the practice session came to an abrupt halt after she knocked the emergency exit door open (setting off an alarm) during one of the aforementioned gyrating portions of the act.

To cap it off the general indecency going down around us, my wife let out an exasperated gasp about halfway through dinner.

"Yeah, I know this girl is doing a cross between Mr. Miyagi and Beyonce. I'm trying to look elsewhere."

"No, not that, you have to check out this couple sitting behind you."

It turns out that as a means of showing affection, they were getting up in each other's grills and playfully rubbing their noses back and forth. How about a little decorum, folks? If you decide to dine in a public setting, keep your beak to yourself and keep your pre-teen child's cheerleading practice on hold until you get home. I don't think it's too much to ask.