One Month and Counting...

Hello again all you Wahoo maniacs! This is Harry Doyle here welcoming you to another edition of Teepee Talk. Hey, in case you haven't noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven't, the blog has been up and running for a full month now.

Okay, that covers my Major League reference quota for the month. I did want to say a quick thanks to all of you who have been dropping by and especially to those of you who have signed up as followers. According to current trending analysis, I'm on pace to hit the hundred follower mark right about the time of my first post belittling the chintzy senior's discount at Shoney's.

In the meantime, the second month promises even more excitement and cutting edge analysis. Either that or I'll run out of material entirely and just start republishing Glenn Beck conspiracy theories. You'll have to check back to find out which way we're headed!

Getting fired up for month number two of Sic Transit Gloria...good seats still available.

Taqueria swill Hole

Do any of you find yourselves boycotting various entities? I don't mean the "I'm upset about the oil spill in the Gulf and am boycotting BP" or the "I don't buy products manufactured in China due to their appalling use of forced labor from political prisoners" kind of boycott. I mean the kind where you go into a barely suppressed rage in an Atlanta Bread Company over the quantity of turkey on your sandwich in 1999 and successfully refuse to set foot in another one to this very day.

My most recent boycott is Taqueria del Sol. Simply driving past one of their locations on my way home tonight reminded me of how angry Taqueria makes me. I was trying to capture exactly what it is about this place that drives me crazy, and shockingly their website laid it out perfectly. Their home page features three reviews, and the first one includes the following line- "You know not to grab a table early or break the house rules because the system works." I'm sorry, I can't remember which of the following things I left my house hoping to accomplish:

1) Become a pledge at Omega Theta Pi
2) Enroll in military basic training
3) Enjoy a couple of tacos and a beer

Welcome to Taqueria, you may now order.

How about taking yourself a little less seriously? In case you aren't familiar with this place, the concept is that you place your order up at the register and then they bring you the food. Quality food, limited service, affordable price. I'm with you so far. But somewhere early on they seem to have added "treat people like dirt" to that list. My relatively new boycott of Taqueria is still long enough that I can't remember all the things that have disgusted me while dining there. Our last house had a Taqueria less than a mile away, so we went above and beyond to overlook the glaring deficiencies for convenience sake. Rule #1 at Taqueria is that you don't sit down until you order (no saving tables). Other places don't have to invoke this rule, because other places don't make everyone queue up and order at a single register that guarantees 30+ minute lines at all times. In addition, you can be assured that when your time to order finally arrives, if you pose any question whatsoever to the person taking your order, you will be made to feel like the jackass of the week. Another important thing to remember at this swillhole is that they do not have servers. You should most definitely not ask any employee walking in your vicinity for a napkin, more chips, or anything of the sort. One other random annoyance that I now recall is that the one by our old house was not open for lunch on Saturday. That makes sense. There's no reason the general public would expect a Mexican place with a deck to be open on Saturday afternoon. Also, I swear the place had "no cell phone" signs posted. I would go verify this, but the odds are that I would punch either a wall or the person at the register before completing my visual surveillance.

So if you happen to be from out of town and find yourself in Atlanta, please do not visit Taqueria del Sol. This city has approximately one Mexican restaurant per 50 square feet, so your options are numerous. Don't select the one that proudly displays how seriously it takes its "rules" on its web page. Gracias.

Car Troubles

This past week while driving around town, my car let out its familiar ear-piercing beep alerting me to a new malfunctioning component. I crossed my fingers (well not really, I was driving at the time) hoping it was notification of a low wiper fluid level or perhaps a faulty brake light. Unfortunately, I also noticed that the ABS and Emergency Brake lights were on.



I knew that was likely a bad sign, but decided to peruse my handy Audi manual once I got back home to get the diagnosis straight from the manufacturer of this high-performance vehicle. After turning to the correct page, I got a nice synopsis of what I should expect to see from these indicator lights. Further, I was informed that I should give my local dealer a call when I had a chance. Got it. Now let me move on to the second bullet to see what I could be looking at here so that I might properly slot this situation on my to do list.


Okay. The back half of my car could break away from the front seat at any moment. Thanks for the heads up. I guess I shouldn't drive to lunch today if there are more than two of us.

USA-Ghana In-Game Diary

The USA is taking on Ghana in the first phase of the “knockout round” of the World Cup, and you know you want the play-by-play insight of someone who knows absolutely nothing about soccer. Well fear not, because I’m here to bring you my running in-game diary. It’s not original? So what, I say. I actually did this once before on a short-lived prior website. At that time I chronicled an Atlanta Hawks game early in a season in which they went 13-69, so compared to that I was overflowing with excitement at the prospect of a US World Cup game. So without further delay, here we go…

2:00 Crank up the vuvuzelas, we’re live for the USA and Ghana.

2:02 ABC shows us the first live shot of the stadium for tonight’s game and it’s, uhhh, really small. I thought these things drew huge crowds.

2:03 It just started to sink in that I am on the hook for 30 minutes of pregame analysis, as the match doesn’t actually start until 2:30. I should have DVR’d!

2:05 Bob Bradley, the coach of the US team breaks down the Ghana squad as follows: “Their attacking players are creative.” So they’re into music, poetry, and what not?

2:06 According to Alexi Lalas (who has gone totally corporate with the haircut, by the way), the keys to a US victory are discipline and possession. Duly noted.

2:17 My wife just let out a disgusted “Oh my God” after the fourth set of commercials started rolling. Apparently there really isn’t anywhere 30 minutes of actual pregame discussion needed to set the stage for this match.

2:21 Okay, I’m a bit of a soccer skeptic, but the highlight montage from the last-minute win over Algeria just succeeded in getting me fired up.

2:23 Both teams enter the field, and it has a bit of an Olympic opening ceremonies feel. Credit where it’s due- It looks like they put the game ball on a ceremonial pedestal and then have someone grab it to get the match started. Solid touch.

2:27 I don’t love the idea of playing Ghana. As the last African nation still alive, I kind of want to pull for them in general.

2:28 ABC puts the starting lineups graphic on the screen for Ghana and, wait, what? Ghana’s coach is named Milovan Rajevac? I didn’t see that coming.

2:30 We’re underway!

2:32 The first US scoring chance comes up empty. Boo.

2:35 The play-by-play announcer tells the audience to “Stand by for a night of shredded nerves and beating hearts.” Will do.

2:36 Ghana draws first blood five minutes in. Half the team storms the track surrounding the field and does a partial victory lap. It isn’t the greatest testament to your sport when goals elicit this kind of reaction.

2:38 #28 for Ghana gets on the board by recording the first fake injury of the match. He executes it to perfection, drawing a yellow card on the baffled US defender.

2:40 Whoa, I just realized that the color commentator is former US player John Harkes. I thought it was the voice of Mary Carillo. I’m not sure on which of the three of us that reflects the most poorly.

Mary Carillo, apparently not providing color commentary for the World Cup.

2:41 Bill Clinton and Mick Jagger are seated next to one another in the stands. Hide the women and children after this one’s over.

2:45 To my very untrained eye, Ghana looks dominant at this point.

2:46 So why isn’t the announcer that yells “Gooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!” doing these games? I guess the fact that he doesn’t speak English is a bit of an obstacle. I’m not sure it’s a deal breaker for me, though.

2:47 Steve Cherundolo of the US just picked up a yellow card. One of soccer’s many strange rules- he doesn’t have to sit out the rest of this game but would have to sit out the next game if the US advances.

2:49 The announcer (who has the phenomenal name of Ian Darke) says the US team is “looking like rabbits in the floodlights”. I take it that is a bad thing.

2:51 Mary Carillo: “When the players stop moving, then that means there’s really a low percentage of options for players to pass and move.” Brilliant.

2:52 Good God, it sounds like one of the fans has brought in a ship’s horn in lieu of a vuvuzela.

2:52 Argh! A near US goal is thwarted by the Ghana goalkeeper.

2:54 I think the tide is turning….ahhh I don’t know what the hell is going on.

2:55 Hold on, Ghana has a corner kick and one of their players is lined up in the goal! This is legal in a sport hell bent on low scoring?

3:01 Mary Carillo is not happy with the US performance thus far.

3:04 Bogus! Another near miss for the US.

3:06 Another weird soccer rule- Ghana is playing a man down for the moment because one of their players is injured.

3:08 Ghana’s uniforms have me thinking McDonald’s.

Ghana, I'm lovin' it.

3:11 Fake injury number two by Ghana. This time there is no call.

3:12 Ghana launches a shot on goal that curls just 30 yards over the crossbar. Just a bit outside.

3:14 Is it a good sign that I find myself scrolling through the channel guide? I think not.

3:14 Hey, Die Hard is on TNT. What’s it been, three days? Up next, The Bourne Identity!

3:24 It’s halftime, with the score 1-0 Ghana Black Stars. My key takeaway to all of you out there nearly 90 minutes in- The US needs a cool team name like the Black Stars or Bafana Bafana.

3:32 Early in the second half, the US very nearly scores. I actually did just yell “Get in!” at my TV. Alright, I am dialed in.

3:34 Ian Darke just credited “the change of shape” for the good start to the second half by the US. I’m confused.

3:37 I feel like Monte, Harry Doyle’s color man in Major League.

Harry Doyle: Monte, anything to add?
Monte: Uhhh, no.
Harry Doyle: He’s not the best color man in the league for nothing.


3:40 Clint Dempsey pulls the first fake injury of the match for the US.

3:41 The US and Ghana just collectively headed the ball five times in a row. I thought I had accidentally changed the channel to the circus. Bring on the juggling elephants!

3:44 A nice defensive stop by Jay DeMerit prevents a second Ghana goal.

3:46 Yeah! The US has a penalty kick coming. Dempsey, not realizing he already got the call, just repeatedly slapped the turf in faux agony.

3:47 Goal!!!!! Landon Donovan ties it up on the penalty kick.

3:54 ABC just showed the Ghana bench. Question- Why does FIFA force the benchwarmers to garb themselves in those FIFA bibs. Are they worn as a symbol of shame for not making the starting lineup. Maybe they should just go with sackcloth.

4:00 We’ve got some running, some kicking, and some horn blowing.

4:01 The attendance is “nearly 35,000”. Again, I seriously thought these matches were a big deal on the world stage.

4:07 Clint Dempsey goes down and momentarily freezes while deciding whether it’s his knee or his head that just got “injured”.

4:13 We’ve made it to the 87 minute mark, and the US is unable to take the lead despite being continually on the attack.

4:15 Folks, we’re staring down the barrel of 30 minutes of overtime. Ehhh…

4:16 Currently the game is in three minutes of additional time, which is probably the strangest soccer rule of all. Why can’t they just stop the clock when the situations occur that cause additional time to be added?

4:18 Announcer Ian Drake as regulation ends in a 1-1 tie: “It’s going to be a long night here.” Agreed.

4:20 Apparently Ghana’s government paid for 1,000 fans to travel to the World Cup to support the team, but their budget ran out after 15 days and they were forced to return home. That’s not funny, but then again it kind of is.

4:25 The 30 minutes of extra time is underway. I trust I’ll be getting time-and-a-half for this.

4:28 Ghana scores three minutes into the extra time. It doesn’t look good.

4:33 Eight minutes into the extra time, the US barely misses off a corner kick after a Ghana player, having apparently been shot, was just carted off on a stretcher.

4:37 The continuous clock is a serious problem. Ghana is obviously stalling.

4:44 #10 of Ghana just pulled an appalling fake injury. Soccer is going to have to address that issue if it wants to be taken seriously by me (and you know they do).

4:48 Unbelievable! Another fake injury by a Ghana player. He’s carried off the field sitting upright on the stretcher.

4:50 Ghana just burned two minutes by substituting for a player on the far side of the field from their bench. I say again, the continuous clock and fake injuries must be addressed.

4:53 With four minutes left, it appears to be over for the US.

4:57 The final is 2-1 Ghana, and that is a wrap. There were some entertaining moments, but I think that covers my soccer watching for another four years.

Houston, We Have A Problem

You know how to tell that all is not as it should be in your life? You are in your kitchen preparing a nice turkey and swiss sandwich or other dinner item of your choosing and notice that your wife is about 10 minutes into an episode of Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. If you respond by dropping your sandwich in disgust and lobbing an offhanded comment in her direction, all is well. If, however, you semi-frantically begin fretting about whether or not Tori is refusing to allow Dean to continue his motorcycle racing career and ask your wife to pause the DVR and give you a recap, then it’s probably time to admit that you have gone a bit off the rails.

Note that heightened interest in such a show is not necessarily quite so problematic if you are a college-aged girl or a wealthy homemaker with limited hobbies and interests. A 35 year-old male is probably not the target market, though. I know this because the advertisements that followed the aforementioned episode were for tampons, women’s razors, and skin rejuvenation products. I blame my wife, as she is certainly the one who brought such wretched programming into our house. I’ve managed to fend off her reality TV shows with varying degrees of success. I have abstained almost entirely from all of The Real Housewives shows (I can hear the odious sounds of part three of the Real Housewives reunion in the other room at this very moment). Others, such as Keeping Up with the Kardashians, have been harder to shun.

And so the battle lines have been drawn. The next showdown is apparently coming over 9 By Design, a horrendous looking new show about a self absorbed couple that make their living as interior designers and, apparently, by using their seven helpless children to secure a TV deal. Pray for me.

Come on Tori, let him ride his bike! He promises he'll be careful this time.

A Bad Combination

It’s always good at the end of the weekend to be able to look back with a sense of accomplishment, a sense that you have done something of significance or broadened your knowledge base in a meaningful way. Too often I find myself on a Sunday night wishing I had made more of the weekend and feeling a bit angst-ridden over the fact that my weekend time is over.

Not this time, my friends. No, through innovation and sheer will I made a big discovery this weekend. Honestly, it just started as so many weekend nights do. I was scanning YouTube for some nice Irish clips and Mississippi State highlights. The Mississippi State sports clips aren’t all that easy to find, but I’ve honed my searching technique over time. Anyway, after returning home from dinner with friends, my wife called it an early night and left me on my own. Now everyone knows that a Saturday night session scouring YouTube is far more enjoyable with a nice beverage in hand, and this is how my big discovery came to fruition. A quick look in the fridge confirmed that an egregious oversight at Kroger a few nights earlier had resulted in a beer-less house. Further searching of the kitchen area revealed that we also lacked both decent liquor as well as normal soft drinks. I stared blankly at the kitchen cabinets for a moment or two, unsure of my next move. There was a bottle of red wine, but that just doesn’t cut it when you are watching crazy Irish fans belt out Fields of Athenry. That’s when it hit me. I did indeed have the necessary ingredients to create a nice little drink. Sure, it wasn’t anything you’d ever be able to order at a restaurant or bar, but these ingredients would surely work just as well as their more recognized competitors. And so I happily poured my drink and headed for the computer. One sip in, I knew I had stumbled upon something big. I had in my hands, the worst drink ever. Lest you ever find yourself thinking that Kilbeggan Irish Whiskey and Diet Big K might turn out alright, let me assure you it does not.

Worst combo ever

Checking In

Now that the ranks of my followers have swelled to double digits, I felt compelled to do a brief check in. I am aware that not only have you yet to receive any logoed merchandise since signing up, you have now not received a new blog entry in three-plus days. Please know that I have taken these egregious conditions to blog management, and you should expect a dramatic uptick in service going forward.

In all seriousness, I have been sidelined by two quite unpleasant events- the malfunction of my home computer and a Toastmasters speech on Monday night. It’s hard to say which of these was more painful, the slow drip torture of several days with limited contact with the outside world (computer failure) or the six minute waterboarding session that is a Toastmasters speech. Thankfully, both of these issues have come to merciful conclusions. The computer is up and running again, and my Toastmasters evaluator was eventually compelled to bring her constructive criticism to a long overdue end.

D'Arcy takes a breather after another flawless Toastmasters address

Anyway, I have to run. The season finale of Fresh Meat II: The Challenge is about to begin.

Shazam!!!

I was putting a little fuel in my car yesterday at the local Racetrac and made an interesting discovery. Have you ever taken a good look at the grid of accepted debit/credit cards on gas pumps? Trying to entertain myself while I filled my 19 gallon tank with 19.5 gallons, I happened to take a closer look. Perhaps this is common knowledge, but is everyone aware that there is apparently a Shazam credit card (see the center of the bottom row)? It comes complete with a solid lightning bolt logo.


That just seems like it would be a lot of fun to pull out of your wallet and throw down on the tab. I assume you're required to yell "Shazam!" when using that card. This whole experience was a huge win for me, because I also realized after making it all the way across the bottom row that I could, in fact, use my Alaska Option card.

Ball Don't Lie?

Our gracious MC Craig has kindly asked me to buzz the blog tower occasionally with various, often useless thoughts. As a lifelong Boston Celtics fan (minus the Dee Brown era, of course), I'm suddenly drawn back to watching NBA hoops this month, and this punched me in my noggin . . .

An old joke with NBA basketball is the absurd tolerance for traveling. Again, it’s an old joke, but really, why the heck is there so much traveling? These athletes are professionals, guys who have played basketball for the majority of their lives. One very important tenet of the game is that you have to dribble a basketball, not run with it. If you want to have ‘game’ and walk around with your chest puffed up, learning to make sweet moves while dribbling at the same time is a must. The rule is enforced at younger ages, everyone adheres to it. Then, all of a sudden, at the professional level (it’s creeping into college now too), these guys completely ignore the obstacle of dribbling while producing their highlight reels. What’s to be proud of when you posterize someone if you’ve taken 3 steps and had to break the rules of the game to accomplish it?

Straight-up baller

I don’t get it. Even more perplexing – how did your body so quickly re-program itself to play that way? Bottom line on traveling – isn’t it the dorkiest possible transgression in basketball? Shouldn’t someone be embarrassed by their need to travel in order to effectively play the game? What would its equivalent be in golf? . . . teeing it up in the rough? . . . weak.