USA-Ghana In-Game Diary

The USA is taking on Ghana in the first phase of the “knockout round” of the World Cup, and you know you want the play-by-play insight of someone who knows absolutely nothing about soccer. Well fear not, because I’m here to bring you my running in-game diary. It’s not original? So what, I say. I actually did this once before on a short-lived prior website. At that time I chronicled an Atlanta Hawks game early in a season in which they went 13-69, so compared to that I was overflowing with excitement at the prospect of a US World Cup game. So without further delay, here we go…

2:00 Crank up the vuvuzelas, we’re live for the USA and Ghana.

2:02 ABC shows us the first live shot of the stadium for tonight’s game and it’s, uhhh, really small. I thought these things drew huge crowds.

2:03 It just started to sink in that I am on the hook for 30 minutes of pregame analysis, as the match doesn’t actually start until 2:30. I should have DVR’d!

2:05 Bob Bradley, the coach of the US team breaks down the Ghana squad as follows: “Their attacking players are creative.” So they’re into music, poetry, and what not?

2:06 According to Alexi Lalas (who has gone totally corporate with the haircut, by the way), the keys to a US victory are discipline and possession. Duly noted.

2:17 My wife just let out a disgusted “Oh my God” after the fourth set of commercials started rolling. Apparently there really isn’t anywhere 30 minutes of actual pregame discussion needed to set the stage for this match.

2:21 Okay, I’m a bit of a soccer skeptic, but the highlight montage from the last-minute win over Algeria just succeeded in getting me fired up.

2:23 Both teams enter the field, and it has a bit of an Olympic opening ceremonies feel. Credit where it’s due- It looks like they put the game ball on a ceremonial pedestal and then have someone grab it to get the match started. Solid touch.

2:27 I don’t love the idea of playing Ghana. As the last African nation still alive, I kind of want to pull for them in general.

2:28 ABC puts the starting lineups graphic on the screen for Ghana and, wait, what? Ghana’s coach is named Milovan Rajevac? I didn’t see that coming.

2:30 We’re underway!

2:32 The first US scoring chance comes up empty. Boo.

2:35 The play-by-play announcer tells the audience to “Stand by for a night of shredded nerves and beating hearts.” Will do.

2:36 Ghana draws first blood five minutes in. Half the team storms the track surrounding the field and does a partial victory lap. It isn’t the greatest testament to your sport when goals elicit this kind of reaction.

2:38 #28 for Ghana gets on the board by recording the first fake injury of the match. He executes it to perfection, drawing a yellow card on the baffled US defender.

2:40 Whoa, I just realized that the color commentator is former US player John Harkes. I thought it was the voice of Mary Carillo. I’m not sure on which of the three of us that reflects the most poorly.

Mary Carillo, apparently not providing color commentary for the World Cup.

2:41 Bill Clinton and Mick Jagger are seated next to one another in the stands. Hide the women and children after this one’s over.

2:45 To my very untrained eye, Ghana looks dominant at this point.

2:46 So why isn’t the announcer that yells “Gooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!” doing these games? I guess the fact that he doesn’t speak English is a bit of an obstacle. I’m not sure it’s a deal breaker for me, though.

2:47 Steve Cherundolo of the US just picked up a yellow card. One of soccer’s many strange rules- he doesn’t have to sit out the rest of this game but would have to sit out the next game if the US advances.

2:49 The announcer (who has the phenomenal name of Ian Darke) says the US team is “looking like rabbits in the floodlights”. I take it that is a bad thing.

2:51 Mary Carillo: “When the players stop moving, then that means there’s really a low percentage of options for players to pass and move.” Brilliant.

2:52 Good God, it sounds like one of the fans has brought in a ship’s horn in lieu of a vuvuzela.

2:52 Argh! A near US goal is thwarted by the Ghana goalkeeper.

2:54 I think the tide is turning….ahhh I don’t know what the hell is going on.

2:55 Hold on, Ghana has a corner kick and one of their players is lined up in the goal! This is legal in a sport hell bent on low scoring?

3:01 Mary Carillo is not happy with the US performance thus far.

3:04 Bogus! Another near miss for the US.

3:06 Another weird soccer rule- Ghana is playing a man down for the moment because one of their players is injured.

3:08 Ghana’s uniforms have me thinking McDonald’s.

Ghana, I'm lovin' it.

3:11 Fake injury number two by Ghana. This time there is no call.

3:12 Ghana launches a shot on goal that curls just 30 yards over the crossbar. Just a bit outside.

3:14 Is it a good sign that I find myself scrolling through the channel guide? I think not.

3:14 Hey, Die Hard is on TNT. What’s it been, three days? Up next, The Bourne Identity!

3:24 It’s halftime, with the score 1-0 Ghana Black Stars. My key takeaway to all of you out there nearly 90 minutes in- The US needs a cool team name like the Black Stars or Bafana Bafana.

3:32 Early in the second half, the US very nearly scores. I actually did just yell “Get in!” at my TV. Alright, I am dialed in.

3:34 Ian Darke just credited “the change of shape” for the good start to the second half by the US. I’m confused.

3:37 I feel like Monte, Harry Doyle’s color man in Major League.

Harry Doyle: Monte, anything to add?
Monte: Uhhh, no.
Harry Doyle: He’s not the best color man in the league for nothing.


3:40 Clint Dempsey pulls the first fake injury of the match for the US.

3:41 The US and Ghana just collectively headed the ball five times in a row. I thought I had accidentally changed the channel to the circus. Bring on the juggling elephants!

3:44 A nice defensive stop by Jay DeMerit prevents a second Ghana goal.

3:46 Yeah! The US has a penalty kick coming. Dempsey, not realizing he already got the call, just repeatedly slapped the turf in faux agony.

3:47 Goal!!!!! Landon Donovan ties it up on the penalty kick.

3:54 ABC just showed the Ghana bench. Question- Why does FIFA force the benchwarmers to garb themselves in those FIFA bibs. Are they worn as a symbol of shame for not making the starting lineup. Maybe they should just go with sackcloth.

4:00 We’ve got some running, some kicking, and some horn blowing.

4:01 The attendance is “nearly 35,000”. Again, I seriously thought these matches were a big deal on the world stage.

4:07 Clint Dempsey goes down and momentarily freezes while deciding whether it’s his knee or his head that just got “injured”.

4:13 We’ve made it to the 87 minute mark, and the US is unable to take the lead despite being continually on the attack.

4:15 Folks, we’re staring down the barrel of 30 minutes of overtime. Ehhh…

4:16 Currently the game is in three minutes of additional time, which is probably the strangest soccer rule of all. Why can’t they just stop the clock when the situations occur that cause additional time to be added?

4:18 Announcer Ian Drake as regulation ends in a 1-1 tie: “It’s going to be a long night here.” Agreed.

4:20 Apparently Ghana’s government paid for 1,000 fans to travel to the World Cup to support the team, but their budget ran out after 15 days and they were forced to return home. That’s not funny, but then again it kind of is.

4:25 The 30 minutes of extra time is underway. I trust I’ll be getting time-and-a-half for this.

4:28 Ghana scores three minutes into the extra time. It doesn’t look good.

4:33 Eight minutes into the extra time, the US barely misses off a corner kick after a Ghana player, having apparently been shot, was just carted off on a stretcher.

4:37 The continuous clock is a serious problem. Ghana is obviously stalling.

4:44 #10 of Ghana just pulled an appalling fake injury. Soccer is going to have to address that issue if it wants to be taken seriously by me (and you know they do).

4:48 Unbelievable! Another fake injury by a Ghana player. He’s carried off the field sitting upright on the stretcher.

4:50 Ghana just burned two minutes by substituting for a player on the far side of the field from their bench. I say again, the continuous clock and fake injuries must be addressed.

4:53 With four minutes left, it appears to be over for the US.

4:57 The final is 2-1 Ghana, and that is a wrap. There were some entertaining moments, but I think that covers my soccer watching for another four years.