Houston, We Have A Problem

You know how to tell that all is not as it should be in your life? You are in your kitchen preparing a nice turkey and swiss sandwich or other dinner item of your choosing and notice that your wife is about 10 minutes into an episode of Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. If you respond by dropping your sandwich in disgust and lobbing an offhanded comment in her direction, all is well. If, however, you semi-frantically begin fretting about whether or not Tori is refusing to allow Dean to continue his motorcycle racing career and ask your wife to pause the DVR and give you a recap, then it’s probably time to admit that you have gone a bit off the rails.

Note that heightened interest in such a show is not necessarily quite so problematic if you are a college-aged girl or a wealthy homemaker with limited hobbies and interests. A 35 year-old male is probably not the target market, though. I know this because the advertisements that followed the aforementioned episode were for tampons, women’s razors, and skin rejuvenation products. I blame my wife, as she is certainly the one who brought such wretched programming into our house. I’ve managed to fend off her reality TV shows with varying degrees of success. I have abstained almost entirely from all of The Real Housewives shows (I can hear the odious sounds of part three of the Real Housewives reunion in the other room at this very moment). Others, such as Keeping Up with the Kardashians, have been harder to shun.

And so the battle lines have been drawn. The next showdown is apparently coming over 9 By Design, a horrendous looking new show about a self absorbed couple that make their living as interior designers and, apparently, by using their seven helpless children to secure a TV deal. Pray for me.

Come on Tori, let him ride his bike! He promises he'll be careful this time.